Thursday, May 28, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
"...IT SPREADS YOUR BUTTCHEEKS!"
My sister just reminded me of the time she came downstairs to see if we wanted breakfast and got punched in the face by the stale collection of J's nightly emissions lingering in the morning air.
He still thinks we're exaggerating the situation and claims his flatulence can't be any worse than my snoring. Touche.
Just this morning I woke up in a cloud of sulfuric acid. All these fart jokes made me think about this snl clip.
He still thinks we're exaggerating the situation and claims his flatulence can't be any worse than my snoring. Touche.
Just this morning I woke up in a cloud of sulfuric acid. All these fart jokes made me think about this snl clip.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
keeping myself entertained at 4 in the morning
"...can't sleep. clowns will eat me."
Bart Simpson
My sleep patterns been off for a few weeks now. I wont be able to get to sleep till around 4 am only to wake up at 6:30 in the morning. I've cleaned the apartment, did all the laundry, cleared out the DVR, watched The Virgin Suicides, Die Mommie Die, and the Halloween remake and still aint tired.
Here are a few other things keeping me busy till I fall asleep.
Police Slog Through 40,000 Insipid Party Pics To Find Cause Of Dorm Fire
awww, rest in peace keyboard cat.
Bart Simpson
My sleep patterns been off for a few weeks now. I wont be able to get to sleep till around 4 am only to wake up at 6:30 in the morning. I've cleaned the apartment, did all the laundry, cleared out the DVR, watched The Virgin Suicides, Die Mommie Die, and the Halloween remake and still aint tired.
Here are a few other things keeping me busy till I fall asleep.
Police Slog Through 40,000 Insipid Party Pics To Find Cause Of Dorm Fire
awww, rest in peace keyboard cat.
Friday, May 22, 2009
can't sit around and wait for someone else to make it better.
I once considered myself a strong person. I used to think my ability to shut off my feelings and stone face at will was somehow guarding me from further harm. That by expecting the worst in people I was saving myself from the disillusionment of more betrayal.
What I was really doing was keeping everyone at arms length by reinforcing the protective barrier I was walling myself behind. I figured if I didn't let anyone in completely they couldn't hurt me. Bruised and beaten by a life spent overcompensating for a lack of feeling loved I was constantly on the attack, anticipating the knife in my back.
Now that I find myself alone and unable to trust I realize the person who damaged me the most was me. Is it too late to unlearn to live my life on the offense? Have I pushed everyone too far away from me?
"...fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. fool me three times? believe me, you'll never get the chance."
What I was really doing was keeping everyone at arms length by reinforcing the protective barrier I was walling myself behind. I figured if I didn't let anyone in completely they couldn't hurt me. Bruised and beaten by a life spent overcompensating for a lack of feeling loved I was constantly on the attack, anticipating the knife in my back.
Now that I find myself alone and unable to trust I realize the person who damaged me the most was me. Is it too late to unlearn to live my life on the offense? Have I pushed everyone too far away from me?
"...fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. fool me three times? believe me, you'll never get the chance."
Monday, May 18, 2009
eye of the tiger
was having a shitty morning. then eye of the tiger came on the radio and everything went right. then i thought of jensen ackles and i got all tingly. down there.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
".... he said queef"
Last week's episode of South Park reminded me of discovering the words "queef" and "douche" in the fourth grade and proceeding to run around the playground during recess chanting our new words with my friends. The nuns weren't to appreciative of our growing vocabularies and had all our parents called into the principals office. i was the only one who had the balls to explain to an office full of concerned parents what a queef was. i probably was also the only one who got his ass kicked viciously by his father when they got home.
gay fish
usually not into american idol but i heard this on the radio the other day. i actually like this guy's version better than kanye's. he's pretty cute too.
speaking of which, check out south park making fun of what a douche bag kanye is.
speaking of which, check out south park making fun of what a douche bag kanye is.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Princess Cakes!!!
drove out to j's favorite bakery this morning for his chocolate cake donuts when these prissy little things caught my eye
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
i wanna get on!
a pic of me blasting amy smart's skinny white ass off statham's horse cock with a fire hose so i can get a turn.
"my turn, bitch."
i need to find the uncensored.
"my turn, bitch."
i need to find the uncensored.
fire walk with me
I've been obsessed with old episodes of Twin Peaks on my dvr thanks to the Chiller Network. The show used to creep me out as a kid so I'm enjoying catching all the nuances and visuals I was too young to the first time around. After several viewings of the entire series and accompanying movie I can still rewatch and see things I didn't before.
Here's some of the best (and most open to interpretation) scenes of the series including Leland, Laura Palmer's father, figuring out who killed his daughter and Cooper (an extremeably lickable Kyle McLachlan) in the Black Lodge for the first and last time.
Here's some of the best (and most open to interpretation) scenes of the series including Leland, Laura Palmer's father, figuring out who killed his daughter and Cooper (an extremeably lickable Kyle McLachlan) in the Black Lodge for the first and last time.
another reason i'd dick down megan fox
"Let me tell you what it's really about. High School Musical is about this group of boys who are all being molested by the basketball coach, who is Zac Efron's dad. It's about them struggling to cope with this molestation. And they have these little girlfriends, who are their beards. Oh, and somehow there's music involved. You have to get stoned and watch it."
- Megan Fox tells the new issue of Esquire
i don't care how stoned i am. i aint watching it.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
thought at 420
you recently laughed that with all the mishaps surrounding us lately it seems like our lives are in may sweeps.
look who just had their series finale.
look who just had their series finale.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
when did youtube get all sexy?
i have absofuckinlutely no idea what's happening here. whatever it is it's hot.
did this guy really figure out how to whack it without even having to whip it out? he's my jesus.
did this guy really figure out how to whack it without even having to whip it out? he's my jesus.
well it's about damn time.
the hatred i feel for you is inconceivable to me. i never thought i was capable of it. especially not for you. you've broken me. maybe now i can finally put myself together again.
how can you lie to me like that? look me right in the eye and lie to my face. you don't give a damn about me. only what i can do for you. i should have trusted my gut. my only mistake was trusting you.
funny how you can't just man up and admit it. you have to pull whatever tricks you can out your bag. lure me into a physical altercation so you can play the victim yet again? attack me verbally but you only succeed in proving my point. you talk out your ass. i'm phony when other people are around? no bitch. i'm just so relieved someone else is there to break the monotony i can actually be myself. you make me miserable. that's the complete honest truth. i hate the person i am because of you. i hate the person you made me. i hate you.
too bad you couldn't sneak back in like you planned. pussy.
so miserable you have to make up stories to make yourself seem interesting. do you even know what the truth is anymore? but your mad at me now? because i went through your text messages? can you be a bigger hypocrite. every and anything is up for grabs in my life. so used to bending over backwards you feel entitled to it. what was i supposed to think when all of a sudden you make it a point to tell me its not ok to go through your text messages? when at a time you would reach for my cell like it was your own with every "you got muthafuckin mail, beyoooooootch!" but ok, since you decided and all.
your pathetic. your a parasite.
you have no idea the hell you just brought on yourself. as long as you remain a cancer in my life my goal will be to make you as miserable as you have made me.
and i'll do it with a song in my heart.
wow, i almost feel like me again.
how can you lie to me like that? look me right in the eye and lie to my face. you don't give a damn about me. only what i can do for you. i should have trusted my gut. my only mistake was trusting you.
funny how you can't just man up and admit it. you have to pull whatever tricks you can out your bag. lure me into a physical altercation so you can play the victim yet again? attack me verbally but you only succeed in proving my point. you talk out your ass. i'm phony when other people are around? no bitch. i'm just so relieved someone else is there to break the monotony i can actually be myself. you make me miserable. that's the complete honest truth. i hate the person i am because of you. i hate the person you made me. i hate you.
too bad you couldn't sneak back in like you planned. pussy.
so miserable you have to make up stories to make yourself seem interesting. do you even know what the truth is anymore? but your mad at me now? because i went through your text messages? can you be a bigger hypocrite. every and anything is up for grabs in my life. so used to bending over backwards you feel entitled to it. what was i supposed to think when all of a sudden you make it a point to tell me its not ok to go through your text messages? when at a time you would reach for my cell like it was your own with every "you got muthafuckin mail, beyoooooootch!" but ok, since you decided and all.
your pathetic. your a parasite.
you have no idea the hell you just brought on yourself. as long as you remain a cancer in my life my goal will be to make you as miserable as you have made me.
and i'll do it with a song in my heart.
wow, i almost feel like me again.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
early morning rants
u ever notice how during the opening theme for "saved by the bell" at the end where the gang high fives, kelly kapowski misses. every time. couldn't find a clip so enjoy the series most memorable scene ever.
stupid jessie. funny thing is i almost od'ed on caffeine pills years ago. i was drunk and j and i wanted to stay up and watch Buffy on dvd so i took a handful and downed them. next day while at the movies they kicked in and i was taken to the emergency room where the nurses got a kick from laughing at me for almost over dosing on caffeine.
stupid jessie. funny thing is i almost od'ed on caffeine pills years ago. i was drunk and j and i wanted to stay up and watch Buffy on dvd so i took a handful and downed them. next day while at the movies they kicked in and i was taken to the emergency room where the nurses got a kick from laughing at me for almost over dosing on caffeine.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
if you love something let it go. if it comes back, fuck that muthafucker for leaving in the first place
Why do I still let it bother me? I know he's out there trying to find whatever it is he's missing. Why can't he just be upfront and tell me he's dating so I'm not blindsided by the sudden appearance of a new boyfriend like when tail boy suddenly appeared then later reappeared? that'd be much better than this little song and dance he does about not wanting to leave and living with me being the best thing to happen to him. can't help wondering if my hour wait in the parking lot yesterday after work was so he could get back from whatever the hell he does.
I try to pretend everything's fine but I end up being awkward and make the situation uncomfortable. Guess I can take lessons from you on how to be phony. All the stupid, pathetic lies. Little, meaningless lies. Stupid messages I come across about video game consoles he doesn't own and concerts he didn't attend and dates I know he's not going on. How the hell could he when he's sitting next to me? The only time he ever leaves my side is when it's convenient for him. So many little stupid lies that I can't help but wonder if anything that comes out of his mouth is the truth. Then he can stare in my face and have abso-fuckin-lutley no idea why I would ever feel like I can't trust him. Is he that miserable with his life he needs to make up a new persona?
Am I really any better? It's scary how easy I can revert to former manipulations with a smile on my face. I hate what being in this situation, for so long, has turned me into.
I try to pretend everything's fine but I end up being awkward and make the situation uncomfortable. Guess I can take lessons from you on how to be phony. All the stupid, pathetic lies. Little, meaningless lies. Stupid messages I come across about video game consoles he doesn't own and concerts he didn't attend and dates I know he's not going on. How the hell could he when he's sitting next to me? The only time he ever leaves my side is when it's convenient for him. So many little stupid lies that I can't help but wonder if anything that comes out of his mouth is the truth. Then he can stare in my face and have abso-fuckin-lutley no idea why I would ever feel like I can't trust him. Is he that miserable with his life he needs to make up a new persona?
Am I really any better? It's scary how easy I can revert to former manipulations with a smile on my face. I hate what being in this situation, for so long, has turned me into.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Well, it's about time, Marvel.
The last time I even bothered with a Marvel comic was the abortion that was Astonishing X-Men
once Whedon left. Not sure but I think the series was canceled an issue or two afterwards.
Rightfully so.
The other day while perusing the local comic book shop, the roomie came across an X-Men cover that caught his attention. I reluctantly picked it up and was impressed by the artwork and story line.
Jean Grey's doppelganger, a ghostly Madelyn Pryor has brought together a gaggle of villainous X-bitches, including new and improved versions of Lady Deathstryke and Spiral to not only kidnap missing in action X-Men psychic, Psylocke, but also grave rob the original body of Betsy Braddock who died when Kwannon contracted the legacy virus years ago. Madelyn plans on transferring Betsy back into her original body which will allow her to take possession of the body Psylocke's grown accustomed for years.
ink drawing for Uncanny X-Men 509
once Whedon left. Not sure but I think the series was canceled an issue or two afterwards.
Rightfully so.
The other day while perusing the local comic book shop, the roomie came across an X-Men cover that caught his attention. I reluctantly picked it up and was impressed by the artwork and story line.
Jean Grey's doppelganger, a ghostly Madelyn Pryor has brought together a gaggle of villainous X-bitches, including new and improved versions of Lady Deathstryke and Spiral to not only kidnap missing in action X-Men psychic, Psylocke, but also grave rob the original body of Betsy Braddock who died when Kwannon contracted the legacy virus years ago. Madelyn plans on transferring Betsy back into her original body which will allow her to take possession of the body Psylocke's grown accustomed for years.
ink drawing for Uncanny X-Men 509
blah blah blah...
i came across this book while shopping with bernie for her birthday present yesterday. still kinda creeps me out to look at it. not as much as that coulrophobia evil clown picture book i got my sister must have creeped her out. especially the pop up in the middle. i made it up to her with a bizzy bone live in concert dvd i found in the clearance bin.
later while j was thoughtfully paying for brunch i couldn't stop laughing at this happy frog pointing his ass in the air on the candy shelf. i feel bad for the poor old guy sitting in the booth behind us. came in for coffee and got an x-rated update on whats going on with j, bernie and i on the side. Can't take us anywhere. during brunch j pointed out our lives seem to be in may sweeps. we almost die in a car accident and lose bertha. bernie's boyfriend has a secret baby on 4-20 he was planning on giving up for adoption until the baby mama decided otherwise, renee's friends get killed on the expressway when a drunk off duty police officer hit them while they waiting on the shoulder to fix a flat tire, my sister's boyfriend gets locked in a bathroom stall in navy pierand almost gets his hand lopped off trying to get out and my cousin rick and everette the asshole both have made guest returns in our lives. don't even want to know what's in store for the season finale.
later bernie played the sympathy card from her recent misfortunes and the power of her birthday weekend to eye rape us and force us to watch august rush starring felicity and the king from the tudors. once my balls fell off and my uterus flowered we gorged on take out, jager shots and vodka tonics until she left to bar hop with some friends.
good times.
too bad i woke up this morning and found my new frog's leg stuck in the aquarium filter. put him in a small vase to hopefully heal his broken leg. if this one doesn't make it, it'll be the third frog i've been through this year. add that to running over that poor squirel picking j up from a meeting at the real estate agency and i feel like that fat evil kid that gets off on torturing animals. in my defense i noticed something flying at the car from under the tire of the truck infront of me. it wasn't until we felt the tire crunch over it's tiny skull i realized what it was. i'm going to hell.
later while j was thoughtfully paying for brunch i couldn't stop laughing at this happy frog pointing his ass in the air on the candy shelf. i feel bad for the poor old guy sitting in the booth behind us. came in for coffee and got an x-rated update on whats going on with j, bernie and i on the side. Can't take us anywhere. during brunch j pointed out our lives seem to be in may sweeps. we almost die in a car accident and lose bertha. bernie's boyfriend has a secret baby on 4-20 he was planning on giving up for adoption until the baby mama decided otherwise, renee's friends get killed on the expressway when a drunk off duty police officer hit them while they waiting on the shoulder to fix a flat tire, my sister's boyfriend gets locked in a bathroom stall in navy pierand almost gets his hand lopped off trying to get out and my cousin rick and everette the asshole both have made guest returns in our lives. don't even want to know what's in store for the season finale.
later bernie played the sympathy card from her recent misfortunes and the power of her birthday weekend to eye rape us and force us to watch august rush starring felicity and the king from the tudors. once my balls fell off and my uterus flowered we gorged on take out, jager shots and vodka tonics until she left to bar hop with some friends.
good times.
too bad i woke up this morning and found my new frog's leg stuck in the aquarium filter. put him in a small vase to hopefully heal his broken leg. if this one doesn't make it, it'll be the third frog i've been through this year. add that to running over that poor squirel picking j up from a meeting at the real estate agency and i feel like that fat evil kid that gets off on torturing animals. in my defense i noticed something flying at the car from under the tire of the truck infront of me. it wasn't until we felt the tire crunch over it's tiny skull i realized what it was. i'm going to hell.
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