can't sit around and wait for someone else to make it better.

I once considered myself a strong person. I used to think my ability to shut off my feelings and stone face at will was somehow guarding me from further harm. That by expecting the worst in people I was saving myself from the disillusionment of more betrayal.

What I was really doing was keeping everyone at arms length by reinforcing the protective barrier I was walling myself behind. I figured if I didn't let anyone in completely they couldn't hurt me. Bruised and beaten by a life spent overcompensating for a lack of feeling loved I was constantly on the attack, anticipating the knife in my back.

Now that I find myself alone and unable to trust I realize the person who damaged me the most was me. Is it too late to unlearn to live my life on the offense? Have I pushed everyone too far away from me?



"...fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. fool me three times? believe me, you'll never get the chance."