later while j was thoughtfully paying for brunch i couldn't stop laughing at this happy frog pointing his ass in the air on the candy shelf. i feel bad for the poor old guy sitting in the booth behind us. came in for coffee and got an x-rated update on whats going on with j, bernie and i on the side. Can't take us anywhere. during brunch j pointed out our lives seem to be in may sweeps. we almost die in a car accident and lose bertha. bernie's boyfriend has a secret baby on 4-20 he was planning on giving up for adoption until the baby mama decided otherwise, renee's friends get killed on the expressway when a drunk off duty police officer hit them while they waiting on the shoulder to fix a flat tire, my sister's boyfriend gets locked in a bathroom stall in navy pierand almost gets his hand lopped off trying to get out and my cousin rick and everette the asshole both have made guest returns in our lives. don't even want to know what's in store for the season finale.
later bernie played the sympathy card from her recent misfortunes and the power of her birthday weekend to eye rape us and force us to watch august rush starring felicity and the king from the tudors. once my balls fell off and my uterus flowered we gorged on take out, jager shots and vodka tonics until she left to bar hop with some friends.
good times.
too bad i woke up this morning and found my new frog's leg stuck in the aquarium filter. put him in a small vase to hopefully heal his broken leg. if this one doesn't make it, it'll be the third frog i've been through this year. add that to running over that poor squirel picking j up from a meeting at the real estate agency and i feel like that fat evil kid that gets off on torturing animals. in my defense i noticed something flying at the car from under the tire of the truck infront of me. it wasn't until we felt the tire crunch over it's tiny skull i realized what it was. i'm going to hell.
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