Why do I still let it bother me? I know he's out there trying to find whatever it is he's missing. Why can't he just be upfront and tell me he's dating so I'm not blindsided by the sudden appearance of a new boyfriend like when tail boy suddenly appeared then later reappeared? that'd be much better than this little song and dance he does about not wanting to leave and living with me being the best thing to happen to him. can't help wondering if my hour wait in the parking lot yesterday after work was so he could get back from whatever the hell he does.
I try to pretend everything's fine but I end up being awkward and make the situation uncomfortable. Guess I can take lessons from you on how to be phony. All the stupid, pathetic lies. Little, meaningless lies. Stupid messages I come across about video game consoles he doesn't own and concerts he didn't attend and dates I know he's not going on. How the hell could he when he's sitting next to me? The only time he ever leaves my side is when it's convenient for him. So many little stupid lies that I can't help but wonder if anything that comes out of his mouth is the truth. Then he can stare in my face and have abso-fuckin-lutley no idea why I would ever feel like I can't trust him. Is he that miserable with his life he needs to make up a new persona?
Am I really any better? It's scary how easy I can revert to former manipulations with a smile on my face. I hate what being in this situation, for so long, has turned me into.
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